Random Thoughts From a Wandering Mind

The holidays. There's a lot that goes along with this time of year. The shopping, presents, music, secret santas, aggravation, joy, pressure, movies, hot chocolate, trees, decorations, happiness, satisfaction, guessing, and traditions. Now I've had all that, but I feel like I missing something. Somethings not right. This christmas, I'll be without Kirra. Now I know I've harped on this before. But it hasn't really gotten any easier. I don't think that scar on my heart will ever completely heal. I still miss her. I cherish the time I get with her, hoever long or short. And it always makes me sad when it's time to say goodbye. Especially when she starts to pout, and sniffle, because she doesn't want me to go. That kills me. You want to see a grown man cry, visit me after she leaves. Don't get me wrong, this christmas has actually gone pretty good. I have enjoyed finding that right gift for people. I have enjoyed all the time I have spent with friends...

(Originally posted on my myspace blog April 26, 2005) You know what, I just realized that I was holding some sort of hate/anger/dislike - something bad in my heart. And it was keeping me down. Whenever I would talk to Kristina, that stuff was there, and I couldn't have a normal conversation with her. Ever since I made up my mind and told Kristina that I was ready to meet Kirra's dad and tell him that I forgive him, a burden had been lifted. I had no idea that that would happen. I didn't even realize I was carrying that hate/anger/dislike. I guess I wanted to blame someone in all this mess, and he was an easy target. I guess my point is that you should not carry stuff like that around. Because whether you realize it or not, if you do carry hate, your only hurting yourself. Your not doing anything to them, it's a bent sword, that's aiming back at you. One last thought on forgiveness. Forgiving someone does not mean that they are right. You can forgive someone and stil...